Thank god for gay friends:

Ryan: Do you have a tie I can borrow?
Me: Yeah, I have this silver one. You will probably need to run the iron over it.
Ryan: I don't know how to do that!
Me: (Takes tie from Ryan; I look at the shirt and grab that too.)

Five mins later

Me: Put your shirt on, it's still warm. Do you know how to tie this thing?
Ryan: You are going to have to show me how to do this one day.
Me: (Ties up tie on self and then takes it off, proceeds to "dress" Ryan. Working my magic, trying not to look down as he is tucking in his shirt. Focus SFND Focus.)

Me: Right, all set. Wow, you look good.

Communication class was brutally uncomfortable today and I have a feeling it is going to be that way for a few class periods. We started what is known as the gender game. Basically it is where the guys get on one side of the table and the girls on the other. This is the chance that you get to ask the opposite sex appropriate questions that you have always wanted to ask.

I had no input. I had no questions. I do have some same sex questions that I wouldn't mind asking but somehow I doubt that would be possible.

I really don't like sharing things with strangers or even just acquaintances, such as most of my classmates are just acquaintances. I find myself just withdrawing from the class more and more.

The professor pulled me aside right before I got the chance to dart out the door. She asked me if I was okay with this and I told her I was fine. Obviously she realizing with her superior interpersonal skills that I was lying. I am sure I will be handed some other assignment to turn in at a later date.

So I thought maybe I could ask my slightly biased audience some questions as my own personal gender game.

1. Is it okay to have a crush on your guy friends?

2. Why are guys threatened by homosexuality?

3. At what point do you have too many female friends?

4. When dating when is a right time to have sex for the first time?

5. If you are in a relationship is it okay to flirt with other people?

6. Is a family or a career more important to you?

7. How comfortable would you feel if your partner made more money than you? Significantly more money than you?

8. Would you be willing to give up your career so he could move to further his?

9. Would you be willing to give up your career to stay home and raise/take care of your children?

10. Are you physical looks really THAT important to you?

I have thousands more. But we can just start with that.

When I started writing for the paying blog job I realized that not everyone was going to agree with me. When I had a few people disagree with me, I took them to heart, but now it really doesn't bother me until I got this response the other day.

"The bottom line is it takes a unique kind of individual to do this job [ATC], and no amount of college education can prepare you for that. Very few of the fully-qualified controllers at my facility are college-educated, or at least not to the point that they hold a degree. In fact, the last developmental we had who came from a college "air traffic" program barely made it through the program, and now has discovered she hates the job. Another that came through in the same group also checked out, but quickly moved to a support staff position when the job of "pushing tin" (and working rotating schedules, and providing OJT to new hires) proved to be too much to handle."

It's okay that you disagree with my stance on the National Air Traffic Control Association and their tackfulliness when it comes to negotiating a new contract for their union members. It's okay that you disagree with me on whether or not the FAA should impose lower pay, more hours of work, and cut funding for incoming OKC training personale. But when you tell me that no amount of training can prepare you for the life you want to have, please keep that to yourself.

I will be nice to you because I get paid to not fight on the blog. I will say something nice on the paid blog, but on this blog, you will be never get a nice word from me. Oh by the way, you need a 4 year degree to become an Air Traffic Controller now. Plus you work at a third rate tower. So piss off!

I will never do shots of tequilla again! I dont know how I got home. The night is a blur. My mouth tastes like cat poo, so I know I threw up at least 7 times. I feel like shit now. I lost my cell phone. Ugh... I am going to crawl back into bed now.

Damn it's cold here! I get to complain about it with temps like these.

But in other news, last night the boys on the floor were drunk while I stayed sober. (Tear!) But I did get to be the object of many boys affection last night. Ryan (Friend A) was running around, jumping into my arms, jumping on my back. It was quite funny and adorable. Mike (Friend B) was just laughing histerically. Matt was being all group affectionate, asking for group hugs and group togetheriness.

But today is a busy busy day for me. Work from 8am til noon. ( I know working at a decent hour, what the hell is up? I traded with some girl to better suit her needs, so I get an easy weekend.) Then lunch with Anne. A bit of shopping at SuperTarget. A quick run by Old Navy to pick up a new shirt to impress the boys with. Then party store to pick up Mardi Gras beads! Let your mind wonder. Then Happy Harry's to pick up some adult beverage mixs for adult beverage consumption later tonight. Maybe I'll even fit the gym in there somewhere.

Maybe if you are lucky some of you will get a drunken call. Apparently I am much nicer on drunken calls than I am in real life. :-P

PG and Friend B talked about snuggling with each other just hours after I talked to friends about wanting to snuggle with PG. Coincidence? I think not.

Friend A has a new name. I have discussed it with a few friends and we have come to an agreement. Friend A is now PG (aka Pocket Gay) He is just so cute, small, compact and adorable. He will fit in your pocket and travel with you wherever you may go.

So PG has been probably one of the most comfortable with the whole situation. In fact the "straight" flirtiness has picked up. I can't tell you how many times he and others have jumped on my back, play fought with me, and made sure I felt 'loved'.

This one instance PG was asking me if I wanted to watch a movie with him. I said, what movie and he said, the Notebook. Inside I am screaming, please let me be your first gay sexual encounter. PLEASE! I'll be gentle! But I said, that's a chick flick, why do you like that movie so much, havent you seen it like 7 times already? He said he likes the actress, Rachel something or other in it... but I would will like it cause it has Ryan Gosling in it. He is hot. Yeah PG. I'll check it out a bit later with yeah.

I just love it how PG is shifting his thinking from saying girls are hot to oh and the guy actor in the movie is hot, so you can watch it too! As long as he keeps flirting with me, I could care less.

-----------------------------------------------------

Mysterious commenter known as "B", I'd like to see how your situation is going, give me shout sometime.

FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friend A, B, and all the others know.

What a relief!

No news to report today... but I have a picture! I brokebacked that hat from Friend A. It's all mine now.

Ugh, I feel like roadkill and look it too. The empty remains of an entire 750 ml bottle of Absolut and a 2 liter bottle of 7-up are all that reminds me of what I did last night. The night started good. Took in the local flavour by partaking in the consuming of McDonalds. Wasted $1 on a Powerball ticket. Saw Brokeback Mountain. I was like fucking Niagra Falls. Jake G. you so purdy! Had a "few" drinks. I never let my cup get below 1/4, so I technically only had "one" drink. Managed to let a few other close friends know. Things between the close friends and I are better than ever. Not lying to them anymore feels so much better. Playfullness between Friend B and I is still abundant. He even slept over last night ;) (in a different bed). Managed to 'steal' friend A's Fighting Sioux hat. It is now mine.

Canada roadtrip posponed. Physics and Communication Mid-Terms on Tuesday. Air Traffic Control mid-term on Wednesday. I'm a busy busy boy.

Thanks everyone for the advice! As Otis Day says You've been so good to Me; You make Me want to Shout, Shout, Shout, Shout.

FRIEND "B" DID NOT KNOW! I thought he knew, but he did not know. He does not remember me talking to him at the bar. He does not remember telling me anything. So here is how it went:

Me sitting on the couch in the lobby. Pats seat next to me to draw over Friend B.

Friend B: Whats up?

Me: Well remember when I said we needed to talk when I was sober?

Friend B: Yeah..........

Me: Well this is the talk. (Big Sigh) I am sure you already know, so I don't need to tell you.

Friend B: Know what?...

Me: (SHIT SHIT SHIT, Abandon ship, this baby is going down) Oh you didn't know I was gay?

Friend B: Noooooo. . . . . .

Me: Well now you know. So how do you think I should approach it with Friend A? I know he withdrew from the friendship with his last roommate after he came out.

Friend B: Just be straight with him, tell him straight up.

Me: (Could you throw in any more straights into the last sentence?)

Friend B: Yeah just be up front.

Me: Okay, I think I can do that.

Friend B: We're totally cool man. Don't worry about it. I'm from the west coast, it's cool man.

After that my pulse was about oh 8 zillion times a minute. Talked a lot to Anne about it. We've decided to go to dinner, movie (Brokeback), drinking, and then dancing. And then tomorrow a roadtrip to Gay Ol' Canada!

Have you started to notice the recent surge in online posting especially with this blog? Is it the fact that drama and current issues cause me to update more often. Whatever the deal, enjoy it while it lasts right?

So tonight was a nice relaxing night at home. I spent the day trying to keep warm. We didn't even make it above -10F today here in Grand Forks and the windchill was hoovering around -40 to -50F all day. Nice huh? I spent a good couple of hours just chatting it up with Anne. We decided we needed to go to Target, so off to Target we went. Walking around Anne was like, what about him, he is cute; you could totally go for him. What about the guy that works at the Starbucks? Looking at all the boys works up some hunger, so we ventured off to Applebees after that. Two nights in a row, I have been at Applebees. Let me tell you first that I am not a HUGE fan of the chain but my choices are slight limited in such a small northern town. So dinner was relaxing. A few drinks, some laughing, and plenty of eye candy.

Spent the remainder of the night just relaxing, talking, watching Bridget Jones' Diary movies and some reading of books.

Made my first move today to telling the boys. I had to since we were put on the waiting list for an April apartment. US$890 per month (291 per person) isn't bad for a three bed, two bath is it? I didnt think so, considering they have hardwood floors, garages, all ultities except electric are included. I told Friend B that I needed to talk to him in private sometime this weekend, he smiled back saying anytime you need to talk, just come find me.

I think I am going to take mysterious commenter 'B's advice and be like, Friend B, I understand you probably already know, so I don't need to confirm it, but could I get your advice and tell me how you think I should approach Friend A with the situation. That way, the relationship is still very causual and yet I confirmed it without actually confirming it.

And then we can totally rip off each other clothes and make out. Yeah... I wish.

There is just something about long underwear that makes me feel kind of sexy. I guess I am more of a northerner at heart that I realized before.

Well I didn't grow a pair but I did manage to sprout something and tell Anne, the European from Norway, my little secret. It's a start. At this current moment we are talking about the issue of telling Friend A and Friend B from the previous entries. Anne told me that friend A was slightly indfferent to another friend of his when he came out to him. Their friendship never truly ended but Friend A pulled so far out of the relationship that it would have been better to just cut ties completely.

My friend, S*m, says that I am such a likable person that telling Friend A won't matter to him and he will still continue to be my friend, and maybe even a better one. I really want to believe that. It's worrisome though. Friend A made a comment today to me. He just recently did "the Brain" prank from Waiting to another guy on the floor, and he said,

"Should I call your girlfriend and tell her that she is dating a fucking fag?"

Right Friend A, you just worry me sometimes. Friend A and B joke about gay things but in the non threating way until just recently. I mean I am not offended by the things they say, because I know them. I just think the gay references are getting a bit much.

Boys are so complicated...

Boy woes still continue to be the major drama creator in my life. I did not realize that straight boys were so bloody hard to figure out. And when girls think guys aren't emotional at all, they are highly mistaken.

Valentine's Day created heaps of drama on the floor. For a quick break down, there are two guys on the floor. If they are not best friends, then they are excellent friends. Well friend A likes girl A. Friend B who is friends with friend A stepped on him to get to girl A. Girl A likes both boys. I have to agree with her, both boys very nice. Well Friend A is steaming because he wanted the girl yet friend A is too nice and reserved to say anything so he lets it continue. Well Friend A got a DVD and a personalized card from girl A. Friend B got a book and a Hallmark Card. Both friends A and B know what each other got. This caused drama since Girl A is dating Friend B, who got the crapier gift. I however get to hear it from both ends as both Friend A and B like to share with me. My second bed officially become the therapy couch. I'm much cheaper than the school therapist, all I need is a smile or some sort of "god that's hot" action and I am set.

The mind is a wonderful device.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I was talking to a wise friend tonight. We were discussing some upcoming socieital events that could change the way some of my relationships work on the floor. Remember Friend B from above? Well the other night when all the friends from my floor went out dancing at a local bar/club I told some people that I needed to tell them something but I wanted to be sober. Probably the best idea, except for when I am wasted/drunk I tend to be very honest and things just come out so much better that way. Soberness is overrated.

After I told Friend B that I wanted to tell him something when I was sober, he leans over, put his hand around my shoulder and says, **b , there are lots of gays in Seattle, don't worry, its cool. Friend B smiled and at that point I wondered what the fuck was going on because I don't remember telling him anything and frankly I remember everything when drinking. Its a strange quirk that I sometimes didn't have.

So Friend B knows, but I worry about Friend A because I think I have more fun with Friend A from above. Friend A and I hang out a lot more than Friend B and I.

So this wise friend told me to tell Friend B formally and then ask him if Friend A would be cool with it. What do you think? Should I stop being such a fucking pussy, grow a pair and just blurt it out, or should I approach it tactfully like I am now? What do you think?

I don't want the playfullness to end. I've been told that once I say something the playfullness will end immeditately. I dont want that. Maybe I could say something like, I am not going to confirm something you already know, so that way our relationship stays the same? Or is that just too much beating around the bush.

We have a serious case of the raging homoerotic behaviour on our floor. Last night made it quite clear. Playful touching, jumping on backs whilst sliding on snow and ice, and now behaviours that are memicking scenes from "Waiting."

Lets just say that it involves the showing of a particular sexual organ to the same sex and then kicking their ass twice if they break eye contact with you and take a peak.

Don't get me wrong, I am quite fond of this homoerotic behaviour. It's just like a fraternity but I don't have to pay to enjoy this kind of thing. Especially since last night I got to sleep with them, but purely in a non-sexual way. But lets just say the dreams last night were pretty unbelievably hot. I've even got a picture. It's just so adorable!

Is it okay to play out sexual situations involving your male friend in your head whilst he is chit chatting with you. Because honestly the guy is fucking hot and I could totally jump him in less than 8 milliseconds. I just ask this because 25 mins before I headed off to work he comes knocking at my door just because. I remind you that I started work today at 4am. So yeah it was 3.10am and he comes in to just "talk" Why can't he be a team player and take it like a real man? Fuck.

I've been spending a lot more time with the friends I have been making on the floor recently. I have been neglecting my online friends. I have been neglecting my work online and I have been not doing enough of my studying. But I have been enjoying Uni a lot more thanks to the joyous wonders of half priced adult beverages.

I finally uploaded my hockey pictures. Yay for brutal sports where guys skate around a frozen piece of water trying to hit a black solid semi round object all while beating the crap out of each other. I love pointless violence!

Isnt our stadium fucking beautiful? That's what a $150 million dollar donation will get you. I wouldn't say hockey is my most favorite sport but it is starting to grow on me. That's all people up here do, drink and go to hockey games.

I might be getting an apartment with a few friends off campus next year. We are suppose to go by and take a look at the place sometime this up coming weekend. From what I know/read, it's a three bedroom, den, kitchen, living room, hardwood floors, garage, and its fairly new. We shall see. I think I am ready to move off campus. I did the whole apartment living in Australia and it wasn't too bad. If we do get the place I would have to move up a lot of stuff. That is going to be a bitch. U-haul here I come. I'll let you all know how that goes.

This weekend is another "floor" event. Dance Dance I must say sounds good right about now. As long as I have plenty to consume before we head out. Which shouldnt be a problem since I seem to be such a bloody light weight. Cheap Date though ;)

There are just some days that I don't feel like talking and then there are others where you can't keep me from yammering on and on. There are days that I just sit in my room hoping that a certain someone will surprise me and walk through the door and then there are days that I am a realist and understand that things are the way they are.


As much as I complain about the weather here, the snow waffling in the winter air seems to bring a lot of inner peace to me. Seeing the snow outside my window at night allows me to just relax and enjoy what I really do have in life.


Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I did not chose the choices I did. Do you ever get that feeling? I always tell people things happen for a reason and if things are meant to be then the forces of nature or something else will allow them to happen but only if you make them happen. You just can't be some lazy slob on the couch eatting cheezits and expect to graduate from Duke with your degree in architecture. I'm glad I ended up here in Grand Forks. I could have been other places. I could have stayed at other schools or entered a different career field. But I like what I am doing now.

Somehow this turned into my bitch blog. Probably because the bosses don't pay me to write about emotional sappy shit but instead aviation shit. I never thought I would get tired of writing about aviation but seriously the content and quality level has taken a nose dive the last few weeks.

Here it is 5am on Sunday morning. I have yet to go to bed. I am not drunk, in fact I was the DD tonight. I spent my entire night submersing myself in Six Feet Under DVDs. Whether it be the fact that 'single awareness day' is coming up or the fact that like my days are fading away because I have nothing to show, or the combination of the both, but most likely the fact that made up holiday is right around the corner, I just feel empty.

My mum calls me quite often now that she knows I am coming home for the spring break holiday. She keeps asking if she can set me up with someone. I just know when I get home she is going to take me out to lunch and magically a friend of hers will walk up with her daughter and all of the sudden they will disappear leaving the daughter and myself to stumble through an awkward conversation that will include such glorious topics of schooling, career ambitions, and scheduling details of our next encounter.

Last night at the bar, T has having issues with his girlfriend. In our conversation we discussed how he didnt think that his current girlfriend was the "one" yet he didnt seem to keen on giving her up just yet. The conversation eventually lead to me telling my life story from high school up to the current point. Why is so easy to tell someone that is your friend that you like them in a certain way, but not tell your mother that you don't want to be fixed up with your co-workers daughter?

I am sure I am not the only one that has this issue. But why is that general situation hard for me in particular? Is it because I hate who I am? Is it because I hate that I can't be like the person I want to be? Or is it just MY time of the month?

I have this brown postal box in my room. It is just sitting there with gifts inside it. Everyday I push back the mailing date because I know once I send that gift things will be different. Not different in a bad way, but not different in a good way. Just different. I sit there for hours on end, thinking what else could I do to delay this box just one more day. I could add a card to it. maybe a CD. Maybe a mini vid clip. I could put a nice bow on one of the gifts. Should I go out to Target to get something else to put in there?

I've come to realize that this box is me. If I keep delaying sending it, then I can't complain if it doesn't show up on its intended date. I can't complain if it comes out damaged or roughed up. I can't complain because I never took the time to actually walk down to the postal office and slap some stamps on there. I won't have to hear the postal lady ask me, is this a V-day gift, notice the name and turn from a smile to face full of distain.

It doesn't help that your "boyfriend's" birthday falls on the afore mentioned "holiday"

God I miss him.

Hypothical Situation: You are failing your Physics course horribly. Your homework grades are marginal; you are falling further and further behind. You have not had math, let alone any sort of trig or calculus in over 5 years. However your lab partner is beyond dreamy. Should one continue to fail horribly because your lab partner is HOT or just drop it, stalk him after class?

I hate when my hair touches my ears. But I hate to get my hair cut because it reveals how much my hair is thinning and it reveals many more silver patchs. So its a double edged sword, so i take the less brutal one and get my hair cut, because having hair touch your ears is just weird.